Eight Years
by HannahRachel05
Summary: Leia misses her fallen son, Ben, on his birthday.


General Leia sunk into her desk chair, slumped over her desk, and held her head in her hands. She let out an exasperated sigh. It's been eight years, Leia, get a handle of yourself, she chastised. Eight years since she celebrated a birthday with Ben. Today marked another one of those years that went by without seeing her son.

Every one of Ben's birthdays, Leia always convinced herself that she was fine, that she had become accustomed to spending it without her boy. Then she would go about her daily life, but typically end up storming out of a meeting because she couldn't discuss how her son was destroying the galaxy when it was his birthday.

Leia pulled open her bottom desk drawer, which was full of gifts. Eight gifts. Every year she bought one for him anyways, hoping maybe this would be the year he would return to the Light and come home. She was always prepared for that moment.

Her eyes began to brim with tears and since Leia didn't want to cry in her office, she slammed the drawer shut fast, hoping to shut off the memories. But they were already flooding her mind and there was no stopping the cascade of flashbacks.

She first recalled Ben's last birthday before he fell to the Dark Side. He had been so depressed; why didn't she or Han do anything about it? How had they not seen it coming?

 _"All right, Benny, blow out your candles!" Han shouted._

 _Ben rolled his eyes at his father. "I'm not five anymore, Dad, stop calling me 'Benny'."_

 _"Just blow out your candles, wise mouth," Han grumbled._

 _Ben took a shallow breath and lightly breathed on the candles. The flames barely flickered, but Ben didn't seem to care. "Is that enough? Can I go now please?"_

 _Leia could feel her patience running out with her son. "Your father and I baked all day so that you could have this cake, which is your favorite flavor might I add. You will blow out those candles, you will eat this cake, and you will stop being an ungrateful bantha!"_

 _"How do you know it's my favorite flavor? People change, I could have found a new favorite flavor since I've been away training with Luke. But all you both ever talk about with me is training, training, training! I didn't even want this stupid party, I want you to leave me alone!"_

 _Ben flipped over his plate and ran up the stairs to his bedroom. Han and Leia merely stood in shocked silence. They both turned their heads and stared at each other._

 _"I-I'm sure he's just going through some...rebellious, moody teenager phase," Han said. He wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders and pulled her close._

 _Leia shook her head. "I'm sure you're right. But what if it's something worse? What if something is truly bothering him?"_

 _"He wants space, Leia. We should give it to him."_

 _"But for how long? I don't want my son suffering in silence forever."_

Ben never came to Leia or Han to talk about how the Dark Side was creeping into his mind, how darkness entered his training, how Snoke tempted him to the Dark Side daily. As far as Leia knew, Ben was still suffering in silence to this day.

Leia's eyes gravitated to a framed picture she had on her desk. In the image, Han and Leia were carrying an eight-year-old Ben on their shoulders. Everyone was laughing, and Ben was holding up a huge model spaceship. The picture was taken on Ben's eighth birthday. Ben was absolutely ecstatic to get this particular model spaceship, as it was a model of the ship his dad piloted-the Millennium Falcon. Han had built the model himself from scratch.

 _"Mom, Dad, put me down, I want to go play with it!"_

 _Han and Leia let out a chuckle and slowly brought their son back to the ground. Lando handed the camera over to Leia. "He sure is an impatient little fella. I'm surprised I took even one good picture."_

 _As Ben started to race up the stairs, Leia grabbed his collar and pulled him back. "Not yet, Captain. Wait until the party is over, and then you can go play."_

 _"Aww, Moooooom!"_

 _"No 'aww moms', Ben," Leia scolded. "You haven't even had cake yet."_

 _Ben gave a little huff and sat in a chair with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Han approached Ben from the side and ruffled his hair._

 _"Now, son. This model is not just for play. This is an exact replica and should be used for study. If you learn the parts of the Falcon well, I'll let you help me fix her. And maybe, just maybe, I'll teach you how to fly her."_

 _The young boy's face lit up immediately. "You mean it?"_

 _"Of course! Chewie and I could use some extra hands, and I couldn't think of anyone better for the job."_

 _Ben threw his arms around his father's neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, thank you, Daddy!" He leapt out of his chair and rushed over to Leia._

 _"Mommy, did you hear that? Daddy's going to let me pilot the Falcon! I'm going to be the fastest pilot in the galaxy! Nobody will be able to outrun me!" Ben proceeded to run around the dining room making spaceship noises while piloting his invisible ship._

 _Leia grabbed her hyperactive son and folded him into a warm embrace. "No matter what you decide to do in life, whether you're the fastest pilot or the greatest Jedi, I will always be proud of you."_

Was she proud of her son now? Was she proud that he allowed the Dark Side to manifest itself in the First Order? Was she proud that he was the most menacing human in the whole galaxy? No, but she would never stop loving him. She was proud that he was her son, and she believed in the power of the Force to save him. When Ben would finally come through her door one day, she would welcome him with open arms.

Leia realized night had fallen while she was reminiscing. She picked up her coat and turned off her desk lamp, ready to go home. _Another birthday gone,_ she thought. _What difference does it make, I miss my son every day of the year._

She turned towards the exit and her heart almost dropped out of her chest upon the sight in her doorway. Ben. No mask, no cape, just Ben. In the dim light from the hallway, Leia could make out streaks from tears across his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Mom."

Leia rushed over to her son and pulled him into a fervent hug. Over Ben's sobs, Leia whispered into his ear, "It'll be all right, Ben. It's all right."

And more to herself than anyone, Leia muttered three words she hadn't been able to say in eight years: "Happy Birthday, Ben."


End file.
